stars that burn the brightest fall so fast
by softiesharpie
Summary: Kara's listening to Lena give her speech at her Pulitzer ceremony and can't help but feel like something is off.


Kara was scared.

No, scared wasn't adequate enough to describe the terror she was feeling.

As she watched Lena walk up to the stage, her heart pounded so strongly that she felt it might burst (despite knowing that wasn't possible). She felt an immense amount of relief that she'd finally told Lena her secret, but she was still petrified of losing her.

Kara couldn't help but tune her hearing to her heartbeat and listen when Lena started speaking, hearing it race and beat rapidly, and that only scared her more. Kara knew Lena and she could tell that she was uneasy about something, but she couldn't tell what.

She wasn't able to tell exactly how Lena was feeling before they were interrupted and told that Lena had to go on stage soon. She didn't know what she was expecting, maybe that Lena would say some negative things about her in her speech.

Her heart clenched at the thought. She knew what she'd done was selfish, knew she made a terrible mistake by keeping her secret for this long. She knew that it would have consequences like this, but she never expected it to hurt this much.

She'd pictured that moment hundreds of times in her head, imagined all of the different ways she could tell Lena, but this wasn't something she'd been anticipating.

She felt split in half almost, as ironic as that sounded.

Part of her was relieved, so /fucking relieved/ that she'd finally told Lena and that it was off her chest. It was a long time coming, and she felt like a weight had been lifted off her now.

For years she'd been anticipating this, never being able to find the perfect time to tell her. She wasn't expecting to blurt it out like she did, was planning on waiting until after her speech to do it. But... when Lena was praising her for what she'd done and telling her how /good/ she was, Kara couldn't take it anymore. She needed to tell her. She was so tired of lying to her over and over again, and making dumb excuses when she had to go do Supergirl duties.

Regardless of how relieved she felt, she was so nervous. She knew Lena had every right to be upset about this, knew she probably wouldn't forgive her right away. But... nothing would have prepared her for this feeling. She felt sick to her stomach, which wasn't something she felt often.

She learned many years ago as a child why feelings were called "feelings". She could /feel/ them. Whenever she was sad, she felt it in her chest and all over her body. Loneliness, anger, relief, all of those feelings, she felt deeply. Even though she was bulletproof, she still felt feelings in her core, felt all of the physical effects of them. Sometimes she wondered if that was a blessing or curse.

Maybe a bit of both.

As Lena started talking, Kara held her breath. Her stomach was in knots as she tried her best to appear fine, knowing Alex would be able to tell something was wrong if she saw her falter.

Her sister could always read her like a book, and Kara knew that if she got one concerned look from Alex, she'd start crying and wouldn't be able to stop.

Kara felt her lips curl into a wobbly smile when Lena praised her for everything she'd done. The heaviness in her chest lessened slightly and she took in a shaky breath, seeing Lena start to get emotional too.

She briefly wondered what she'd done to have someone as understanding as Lena in her life. She was so grateful that Lena seemed to be okay with what she'd told her.

"Okay" might not be the right word... but she didn't seem angry. At least from where Kara was standing, she didn't.

She walked up to the stage, her hands shaking as she brought them up to rest on Lena's arms. She stood in front of her, looking deep into those green eyes she adored so much. She saw something there that unsettled her. Something was off, but with everything that she was dealing with emotionally in that moment, she decided to let it go.

She could hear Lena's heartbeat, still racing as it had been minutes ago, and could see the unease in her eyes. She wondered what Lena was really thinking, if she was being completely genuine in that moment.

It wasn't often that Kara doubted Lena's sincerity, she almost always took her at face value. But... something felt different. Kara couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was and, to be quite honest, she couldn't tell if she was just imagining it.

Maybe she was projecting her own fears and anxieties onto Lena.

Kara had never felt this unsure about her emotions before. She could usually identify how she was feeling or at least have a general idea of it. She felt so lost right now, but Lena's steady gaze and hands on her arms helped ground her.

"You will always be my best friend."

Kara faltered a bit at that, as she always did when Lena referred to her as just her "best friend", but she just smiled and nodded. She'd rather have Lena as her best friend than not have her at all. Even if she wished they were more than just friends...

She pulled Lena in for a hug and felt her tremble in her arms. She pulled Lena closer and sniffed, "I love you so much." She whispered and closed her eyes, letting herself enjoy the moment.

She felt Lena stiffen slightly before forcing herself to relax. "I love you too, Kara. I always will..."

Kara grinned at that and pulled away so she could look into Lena's eyes. "Always." She repeated, her glossy blue eyes shining in the bright lighting of the theater.

Lena tentatively smiled back and Kara felt hope blossom within her.

Maybe, Kara thought, just maybe, things would be okay...


End file.
